Often I find myself in the situation that I need to explain myself. Example, for things I do wrong or when I am at the wrong end of unfair judgments and comments. Basically I have a strong sense to articulate and defend myself. I would say it stems from my character. I dislike being misunderstood, undermined or accused. It can be in the form of email, SMS, IM, face to face, or whatever means it takes.
I bet many of my friends are tired of my lengthy explanations. =p Okay don't tell me. I know lah...
Sometimes it is good to do so. In the process, I inject some humour along the way, defuse any unhappiness, let both parties understand each other better.
Sometimes it is not so good. Especially if it is perceived as a small matter by others. I may come across to the other party as too strong, or even petty.
The fact is most people are not perfect communicators. We say things we don't mean it. We do things others don't comprehend. It may just make better sense to let it rest than talking sense to others.
Human beings are truly erratic. We may not be able to predict out actions all the time. So we should consciously try not to overreact. Otherwise things can snowball and we can be badly affected, by what system engineers term would term the 'Bullwhip Effect', emotionally. Okay, abit out context of the normal application of this effect.
I find scrutinizing yourself for your mistakes and apologizing, does take away some anger you have on others. At the same time, you may be seen as understanding, willing to admit your mistakes. It builds rapport and soften the attitude of the other party. It worked for me on several occasions. But somehow I still end up explaining a lil' bit, and in one case written a chapter. LOL.
I would offer a solution to not explain unnecessarily. That is, to ask two 'Why's. "Why did he/she said that or think in that what about me?" and "Why is there a need for me to react?". Actually I just thought of this solution! And I'm gonna try it the next time. =)
I bet many of my friends are tired of my lengthy explanations. =p Okay don't tell me. I know lah...
Sometimes it is good to do so. In the process, I inject some humour along the way, defuse any unhappiness, let both parties understand each other better.
Sometimes it is not so good. Especially if it is perceived as a small matter by others. I may come across to the other party as too strong, or even petty.
The fact is most people are not perfect communicators. We say things we don't mean it. We do things others don't comprehend. It may just make better sense to let it rest than talking sense to others.
Human beings are truly erratic. We may not be able to predict out actions all the time. So we should consciously try not to overreact. Otherwise things can snowball and we can be badly affected, by what system engineers term would term the 'Bullwhip Effect', emotionally. Okay, abit out context of the normal application of this effect.
I find scrutinizing yourself for your mistakes and apologizing, does take away some anger you have on others. At the same time, you may be seen as understanding, willing to admit your mistakes. It builds rapport and soften the attitude of the other party. It worked for me on several occasions. But somehow I still end up explaining a lil' bit, and in one case written a chapter. LOL.
I would offer a solution to not explain unnecessarily. That is, to ask two 'Why's. "Why did he/she said that or think in that what about me?" and "Why is there a need for me to react?". Actually I just thought of this solution! And I'm gonna try it the next time. =)
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